I think we all struggle with trusting God at times. Inherent to the idea of trust is giving up our perceived control and having confidence in things we cannot understand or see. It requires and refines our patience, humility, and perseverance and is generally crafted in pain, trial, and sorrow. Here are some of my journal thoughts from the tail end of a long and difficult wrestling match with this idea of trusting God. My hope is that they will encourage some of you who are going through this refinement to continue on.

-Pastor Jeremy

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Journal Thoughts from January 31, 2008: 

Today I am praying to God in a new light. I believe that, because the pattern of our human world is, in our minds, so calculated and, because our reality is so finite and tangible, we lose focus on the enormity and infinity of God. I have to confess that I have become somewhat routine in my prayers to God to sell our house. From my limited perspective, I believe that this represents the best possible scenario for Terra and I, and, therefore, I am regularly petitioning God for this to happen. However, I am sometimes, through my prayers, eliminating the possibility that as Paul says in Corinthians, “Now we see in part,” that maybe I can see just a small slice of the real picture.

The fact remains that I serve an infinite God whose understanding is beyond the farthest reaches of mine by measureless lengths, whose vision is complete, whose thoughts are “higher than my thoughts,” and whose ways are “higher than my ways.” This is the same God who, by His own account, clothes the lilies of the field and provides for the sparrow, and would not even let a sparrow die apart from His plan. The smallest details of the universe are entirely under His control, each tiny particle of the vast universe is put in place with precision and care and is guided along with purpose. He also comforts me in Matthew, saying that even we humans, who are evil, know how to give good gifts, so how much more will He, our heavenly Father, give His children good gifts? The question is rhetorical; the answer is infinitely more than we can know or imagine.

Mark Batterson says in his book In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day, “Adversity can produce an increased capacity to serve God.” Perhaps my focus should be different. Maybe my focus should be to worship the Almighty God who knows every hair on my head and loves and protects me and refines both Terra and me to better serve Him. After all, what is my role and place on this earth if not to worship and serve the Lord in obedience to follow His leading? If I truly believe that and trust Him, then my response should be one of total thanks and worship because He is guiding each step of my life. And He is at work right now, increasing my capacity to serve Him, which is really the true desire of my heart.

With this in mind, my focus will change. I will worship Him with greater intensity; I will rest completely in the arms of my Father, because I know that He is at work. He is, right now, shaping me through this process to increase the effectiveness of how He uses me. I will ask Him to align my heart and will with His totally, and to not let me lose focus of truth amongst details. I will ask Him to do the same in the heart of my wife and helper whom He has given me. We will ask Him to do His work in our lives and rest in the ultimate peace that He is in complete control.

[Scripture References: 1 Corinthians 13:12, Matthew 7:11]

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Giving Jesus Our All in 2013

Two thousand years ago, a group of people with no smart phones, no internet access, and no frequent flyer miles were commanded by Jesus to reach the world. And, instead of making excuses, they answered the call, committed themselves, and went “All in”…and our world has NEVER been the same!

It has happened before…what if it happened again? This year? At Marysville Grace?

I can promise you this…

• It would impact your life in ways you could never imagine as you simply did not “survive” but rather learn how to thrive!
• It would impact our church in that we would take giant leaps in our quest to achieve our redemptive potential (through Life Groups, deacon ministry, Grace Clinic, church planting, missions, Children’s ministry, Men’s ministry, Women’s ministry, etc.) to reach Union county and beyond for Christ.
• It would impact our state and the world as we see people fall more in love with Jesus, and, as a natural by-product of doing so. begin to love sin less and less!
• It would impact family members and friends whom we deeply care about.

In the great commandment, Jesus asks us to commit to loving Him with our ALL (Mk. 12:30). You see, anybody can have the desire to do something great, but it is the COMMITMENT to follow up with the desire that makes the difference.

Here’s what I want for you more than anything! Here’s what I want for every person at Marysville Grace this new year! I want for 2013 to be the greatest year for spiritual growth in your life!

I don’t care if you have been a Christian for 4 weeks or 40 years. I want, as one of your pastors, for 2013 to be the year you look back on and say, “I walked closer, grew more, became more intimate with Jesus than any other year.” I want that for you so badly! And I want that for me, too! But it’s not going to happen because we desire it – it’s going to happen because we have the commitment to make it happen.

If we truly believe with all our hearts and minds that JESUS has called us to a LIFE of COMMITMENT and we want more than anything else for 2013 to be our best year of spiritual growth ever, then, as we begin this new year, we must remember:

• That a growing relationship with Jesus is intentional not accidental (Mk.12:30).
  So COMMIT to talking to a pastor about a personal relationship with Christ,
  COMMIT to baptism,
  COMMIT to membership,
  COMMIT to one on one discipleship,
  COMMIT to prayer,
  COMMIT to being in a Life Group.
• That if my resources are invested in Jesus I will be emotionally connected (Matt. 6:21).
  So COMMIT to investing your finances, times, gifts, etc. for God’s Kingdom purposes at Marysville Grace.
• That if I read the Bible and do what it says…I will know God’s will (Rom. 12:2).
  So COMMIT to reading the Bible because I guarantee you that about 95% of the time or higher it will reveal God’s will to you.

God doesn’t want something from you. He wants EVERYTHING! He wants all of you…Love the Lord your God with ALL your heart, soul, mind, and strength in 2013!

#1: No gift, and I mean absolutely no gift, compares to the indescribable gift (2 Corinthians 9:16) of salvation we have received through the birth of our Savior Jesus. It’s an extraordinary gift!

#2: Nothing comes close to the one of a kind miraculous birth of Jesus, the Son of God, to a virgin named Mary through the supernatural power of the Holy Spirit (Matthew 1:18; Luke 1:30-35).

#3: No day has altered history more or has more significance than the day our Creator stepped into the world He created to become flesh (John 1:1, 14) – knowing He was born to die, so He (Jesus) could save us from our sins (Matthew 1:21).

#4: Nothing blows my mind more than the incarnation (John 1:14). The fact that Jesus would enter our world as an embryo and then as a helpless, fragile baby (Luke 2:12, 16), an infant totally dependent on others to care for Him. Wholly human and holy divine.

#5: No one is more worthy of our worship, praise, or glory (Matthew 2:2, 10; Luke 2:14, 20). Messiah’s birth evoked worship from angels, shepherds, and wise men (kings) from foreign lands. He deserves our highest praise and worship, too!

#6: Nothing could have reversed the curse or our condemnation under the law but the birth and death of the Son of God.  Jesus redeemed us from both situations (Galatians 4:4-6).

#7: No news has ever been greater, more joyful, or more far reaching than the good news the angels brought to the shepherds that first Christmas. The birth of the Savior was for all people…nations, tribes, and tongues (Luke 2:10-11).

#8: Nothing points to the truth and accuracy of Scripture more than the fulfilled prophecy of Immanuel’s birth. Isaiah prophesied Immanuel’s birth in Isaiah 7:14, over 700 years before Matthew records the day God came from heaven to earth to be with us (Matthew 1:23).

#9: No event has inspired giving our best and most treasured gifts to Him more (Matthew 2:11) than His arrival. Make every effort to generously and humbly lavish Him with your most valued gifts this Christmas.

# 10: Nothing, and I repeat nothing, should become so big of a distraction that we lose our primary focus for celebrating Christmas this year. Not Santa Claus, not reindeer, not elves, not shopping, not presents, not stockings, not decorating, not parties, not food, not traditions, not even family – You see, Christ is the very essence of Christmas. Please make room for Him this Christmas (Luke 2:7).

Continual Faith

Faith is continual. Like the tides of the ocean at the beach. We spent a week in Ocean Isle, NC, back in July. I sat in a chair with my book as the waves swept up on the sand and back down into the surf…over and over and over again in a soothing, continual and perpetual motion (24/7).

I couldn’t help but think of the spiritual analogies. How His grace, mercy, and love wash over us – forgiving, cleansing, and completely changing or transforming us just like the tides do to the beach (completely changing the landscape). Or how His discipline or admonishment come crashing into us to wake us up, bring us to our senses, or knock us to our feet in humility and submission. Just like the ocean tides…God is always on the move in our lives. He deeply desires that His sons and daughters have a faith that is continually growing, developing and changing into the image of His son.

I want you to look at two passages with me. First let’s look at Colossians 1:23. Paul writes, If you continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel. This is the gospel that you heard and that has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven, and of which I, Paul, have become a servant. Paul urges all believers including us, like those in Colosse, to build carefully and persevere in their faith. You see, genuine faith continues and perseveres to the end, focusing on the hope to come.

The other passage I briefly want to touch on is Philippians 2:12-13. Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed – not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence – continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. The words “your own” are plural in the Greek. Many times this verse has been applied to individuals working out their own Christian growth; however, Paul intended the people (as a body or Church) to work out together to grow in Christ. Although we are saved once for all when we accept Jesus Christ as Lord, it is in the grind of everyday life that our faith (salvation) is continually “worked out.”

Notice closely, salvation or faith in Christ is only the start. Trust me, it’s not the end. Please don’t get me wrong! Coming to personal faith in Christ is huge! However, it certainly is not the end of your continuing faith journey. We must see our faith as continual and a part of our ongoing discipleship process. God not only makes us alive in Christ, He makes us to live as Christ. Salvation makes spiritually dead people alive. God pulls that off in a blink. Sanctification makes godless people godly. This process typically takes a lifetime for God to accomplish.

Our continual faith has fruit to bear. Personal faith can get us to heaven, but our continual faith has a greater purpose between now and then – it is to produce something in us that makes a difference in other peoples’ lives everyday. Hungry people need to be fed; single mothers and widows, bone-tired, and struggling financially, need to be encouraged. There are people in hospitals and care homes, and prisons or juvenile detention centers. They need visits. All these opportunities may be closer than you think – they may even exist in our church. Neighbors – the people who live across the fence from you – could use a kind or encouraging word, or help with a project, or just a friend to drink a cup of coffee with.

What does this sharing your life (living in faith everyday) thing look like? Well, I have compiled a little list from my own personal experiences. Tearing out a bathroom vanity together, painting a kitchen together, visiting the hospital and rejoicing in the birth of a new baby together, visiting the hospital or home of someone who has had surgery or has cancer or has lost a loved one and encouraging, comforting and praying for them together. Going out to eat together, helping someone move (a hot tub) together, lifting up each other in prayer together, going to a Crew or Clippers game together, dropping each others cars off together at the garage/mechanic. How about celebrating birthdays, baptisms and special occasions together, playing games together, opening up God’s Word and discussing it together, one on one discipleship together, golfing together, doing an NBC together, worshiping together, challenging and holding each other accountable together, being in a Life group together, laughing and having fun together? Or appreciating each other together through a spoken word, cards, emails, texts, gift cards, baked goods, meals, meeting a need, etc.

This is the fruit of a faith that is continual (growing) – these small but significant acts of Christ-likeness. Be aware of the conditions that grow such fruit. Allow God to keep your faith moving and continual just like the ocean tides, so that you become mature and complete, reaching your full potential in Him.

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Mutual Faith

Faith is the root of all spiritual life. Paul says, in Romans 3:28, “For we hold that one is justified by faith apart from works of the law.” The only acceptable response to the gospel is nothing less than a heart of faith. Paul again makes this very clear in Romans 1:16-17 when he says, “I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: “The righteous will live by faith.” The phrase “by faith from first to last” indicates that our relationship with God begins, exists, and continues through faith all the way through to eternity. Every good gift the Father gives – every richness from Christ, every blessing from the Spirit – flows from the gospel and is received through faith.We live through faith, and we die through faith. 

You see, faith is both in the roots and the branches. What is in your roots shows up among your branches. Are your roots deeply planted in the rich nourishment of Christ that produces fruit? Or are you searching to put your roots down in the shallow, dry, hardened ground of the fleeting successes, desires, satisfactions, riches, and pleasures that surround us every day? Faith in Christ results in a flourishing life! Faith in man and his selfish system results in desolation and death. Jeremiah put it this way, “This is what the Lord says: ‘Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord. He will be like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives. But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit” (Jeremiah 17:5-8).

This root and branch nature of true faith is embedded in God’s Word. Hebrews 11:6 says, “without faith it’s impossible to please God.” Faith is the root system. Without it, there is form only, devoid of life. Life depends on the roots. Yet the environment must be right. We need fertile soil. In discipleship, the right environment, or soil, is relationships. So faith is not only the root of all our individual spiritual life, but it is also the root of the church – our family – and everything we do as a church. This is why relationships are what God uses to communicate His truth and help people grow. Jesus modeled this with His disciples. He was in an intimate relationship with them. He did everything with them. He did life with them. Without relationships, our journey of faith/discipleship is boring and ineffective. It may be informative, but it won’t be life changing.

Motivation can die because no one is there to celebrate a breakthrough or support us when we struggle. Relationships create the environment where faith and discipleship grow and flourish. Faith has fruit to bear. If we want an abundant and thriving faith, we need others. Our faith has to be mutual. This is why faith is the root of LIFE because it is to be lived in faith everyday!

Paul talks about our mutual faith being a shared experience in Romans 1:11-12, “I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong – that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith.” Our mutual faith gives us a common language and a common purpose for encouraging one another. You see, in Christ, if you Marysville Grace is your church home, then I am called to you, as one of your pastors, and you are called to me. Your gifts and my gifts collide in a community of faith so that we all become all that God would have us to be together in Christ.

All of this means that I am not adequate in and of myself to pull this “body of Christ” thing off, and you are not adequate in and of yourself to pull it off either. You see, that’s why our faith is to be lived out in community…that’s where Life Groups come in. God has given us the incredible gift of mutual/shared faith because we need each other, and together we’ll be more mature, experience more life, produce more fruit, and know more joy than we ever would alone or apart from each other. We should be giving our faith away to each other for these greater purposes.

Is faith the root of your life? Is your faith deeply rooted in Christ so that you can endure the storms of life? Is your faith mutually expressing itself in every day relationships with others in our church family? Is your faith producing fruit.

If not, it’s time to plant your faith in the rich soil of God’s grace in Christ. It’s time, to thrust your roots into the nutrient enriched relationships of other brothers and sisters in Christ that He has so lavishly provided us. It’s time to get plugged into a Life Group and watch your faith and the faith of others in your group flourish.

Stay tuned for part 2 of this 3 part series where we’ll look at how our faith is continual!

1.  “…Be at peace with each other.” (Mark 9:50)

2.  “…Wash one another’s feet.” (John 13:14)

3.  “…Love one another…” (John 13:34)

4.  “…Love one another…” (John 13:34)

5.  “…Love one another…” (John 13:35)

6.  “…Love one another…” (John 15:12)

7.  “…Love one another” (John 15:17)

8.  “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love…” (Romans 12:10)

9.  “…Honor one another above yourselves. (Romans 12:10)

10.  “Live in harmony with one another…” (Romans 12:16)

11.  “…Love one another…” (Romans 13:8)

12.  “…Stop passing judgment on one another.” (Romans 14:13)

13.  “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you…” (Romans 15:7)

14.  “…Instruct one another.” (Romans 15:14)

15.  “Greet one another with a holy kiss…” (Romans 16:16)

16.  “…When you come together to eat, wait for each other.” (1 Corinthians 11:33)

17.  “…Have equal concern for each other.” (1 Corinthians 12:25)

18.  “…Greet one another with a holy kiss.” (1 Corinthians 16:20)

19.  “Greet one another with a holy kiss.” (2 Corinthians 13:12)

20.  “…Serve one another in love.” (Galatians 5:13)

21.  “If you keep on biting and devouring each other…you will be destroyed by each other.” (Galatians 5:15)

22.  “Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.” (Galatians 5:26)

23.  “Carry each other’s burdens…” (Galatians 6:2)

24.  “…Be patient, bearing with one another in love.” (Ephesians 4:2)

25.  “Be kind and compassionate to one another…” (Ephesians 4:32)

26.  “…Forgiving each other…” (Ephesians 4:32)

27.  “Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs.” (Ephesians 5:19)

28.  “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Ephesians 5:21)

29.  “…In humility consider others better than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3)

30.  “Do not lie to each other…” (Colossians 3:9)

31.  “Bear with each other…” (Colossians 3:13)

32.  “…Forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.” (Colossians 3:13)

33.  “T each…[one another]” (Colossians 3:16)

34.  “…Admonish one another (Colossians 3:16)

35.  “…Make your love increase and overflow for each other.” (1 Thessalonians 3:12)

36.  “…Love each other.” (1 Thessalonians 4:9)

37.  “…Encourage each other…”(1 Thessalonians 4:18)

38.  “…Encourage each other…” 1 Thessalonians 5:11)

39.  “…Build each other up…” (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

40.  “Encourage one another daily…” (Hebrews 3:13)

41.  “…Spur one another on toward love and good deeds.” (Hebrews 10:24)

42.  “…Encourage one another.” (Hebrews 10:25)

43.  “…Do not slander one another.” (James 4:11)

44.  “Don’t grumble against each other…” (James 5:9)

45.  “Confess your sins to each other…” (James 5:16)

46.  “…Pray for each other.” (James 5:16)

47.  “…Love one another deeply, from the heart.” (1 Peter 3:8)

48.  “…Live in harmony with one another…” (1 Peter 3:8)

49.  “…Love each other deeply…” (1 Peter 4:8)

50.  “Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.” (1 Peter 4:9)

51.  “Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others…” (1 Peter 4:10)

52.  “…Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another…”(1 Peter 5:5)

53.  “Greet one another with a kiss of love.” (1 Peter 5:14)

54.  “…Love one another.” (1 John 3:11)

55.  “…Love one another.” (1 John 3:23)

56.  “…Love one another.” (1 John 4:7)

57.  “…Love one another.” (1 John 4:11)

58.  “…Love one another.” (1 John 4:12)

59.  “…Love one another.” (2 John 5)

Below are answers to questions gathered anonymously from individuals and/or couples in our church body. 

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ANSWERS FROM PASTOR CLANCY…

1. If your marriage has ended in divorce and your belief is that marriage is sacred, how do you translate that belief to your children without casting a shadow on the parent who chose the divorce?
One of the consequences of sin is what you have called a shadow. It is not possible to eliminate the shadows of sinful decisions. What your children need most of all is honesty and truth. Decisions have consequences and blessings have responsibility. You can tell the truth without the intent of casting a shadow on your former spouse. (Ephesians 4:15)

The children’s perception of the former spouse is not as important as the truth. Your tone of voice when talking to your child about the divorce is important, too. If the truth is that he/she shouldn’t have divorced you, then that is the truth. That doesn’t mean that you want everything back the way it was, but you are being honest with them about what is truth and that is what your kids need.

2. How do I encourage my husband to talk with me when we are having conflicts? He does not want to deal with conflict. He runs from it. He was not taught about confronting when there is conflict.
Good decisions take time and communication. Sometimes opinions and preferences collide on your way to a good decision. Decision-making often feels like conflict when really all you are doing is making a decision, though they share the same dynamics

Conflict often arises in a marriage when there are competing value systems. A value system, or your value system, is the set of beliefs that you have come to hold to which makes up your morals, virtues, convictions, beliefs and values. Sometimes conflict is necessary because someone’s value system has a flaw or is just downright sinful. A Christian marriage is to be biblical. In other words, if one spouse has unbiblical values in areas such as behavior, sex, money, gender roles, parenting and the other spouse has biblical values governing these areas, there is going to be conflict. It is not possible for opposite natures to compromise. If a couple shares biblical values, conflict can be more easily resolved.

Another reason conflict occurs is this…

Nobody likes to be surprised by problems. If it is sprung on him he may want to avoid conflict. Set aside time to talk about the issue and encourage him to write notes to bring to the meeting. Really what we are talking about is how and when you bring up an issue. If you bring an issue up, and it is a surprise or an attack, it is understandable that you don’t get results. Too many couples let too much time to go by before they settle a conflict. “Settle matters quickly (Matthew 6).” “Let everyone be quick to listen and slow to become angry (James 1).”

If communication is uncommon, then conflict resolution is going to be that much more challenging. You need to work at communication for the process of conflict resolution to get better.

3. If there is no intimacy in our marriage, how do we get it back?
Desire is a necessary ingredient in regaining intimacy. My chart (see below) is a good guide for both husband and wife. You will want to be around people of high character and high respect. It all begins with devotion to the truth of Christ and letting Him build a right heart inside you through loving Him and obeying His commands. In John 14:15 Jesus says, “If you love me you will keep my commandments.”

4. When your spouse has a character issue (temper, lying, foul language, etc.) how to do you work through that with kids, life, and all of that – especially if they don’t want to talk?
It seems accountability is the issue here. If someone is not accountable to common courtesy in a marriage it is next to impossible to be accountable to a counselor or a pastor. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Ephesians 4:28-30) “For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:46) If someone is lying and being deceitful, there is a heart issue. The hardness of someone’s heart can be by various reasons by their own hardness or being sinned against. The individual may need to come under someone’s care and figure out how their heart got hardened.

5. How do you deal with a spouse that makes you feel that you are a failure?
Often a person will treat another that way in order to cover their own shortcomings. The Bible tells husbands to “Love your wife like Christ loved the church” (Ephesians 5) and “be considerate of your wife” (I Peter 3).  James 1 talks about the tongue being a fire that can do real harm. You do need to take a clear stand and say that ANY kind of sinful and disrespectful talk will not be acceptable. A spouse that verbally abuses the other one is very likely to be unaccountable outside the home. If that spouse were to treat a co-worker that way, it wouldn’t be tolerated. You need to hold to that standard as well. Having the moral authority to confront requires being a person of high character and morals that you live out each day. When you fail, admit it. Hold to a Christ-like attitude in all situations and then, from that position, call your spouse to do the same. Counseling can help. Seek it as a way to get some accountability so both you can grow to love and respect one another.

6. After your sermon I realized I have none of those steps in my marriage. How do I start and try to work on this with a disrespectful almost hurtful and selfish spouse? I want the kind of marriage you just preached about.
It begins by building the self-esteem that Christ teaches us to have. His love for you is a love that will never end. Hebrews 13 should give you the security and the truth you need to fight back. Once you are secure in your relationship with Christ, you are on your way. If your spouse will be accountable to Christ, he is on his way.

There are two kinds of people in the world – people who love ideas and people who love people. To be Christ like in your relationship, you have to love people more than ideas. If you love ideas more, you will end up using people. That is a recipe for a failed relationship. Jesus had ideas, but he didn’t love ideas – he loved people. Too many times we try to convert people to an idea rather than people to the person Jesus Christ. Pride and all of its destructive fall-out is birthed out of ideas that have become idols. When you will abuse someone because you are so passionate about your ideas, it is because you no longer believe in truth; you believe in control. Remember that, for the Christian, truth is a person, not a bundle of ideas. We teach what is true because it reveals a person who is true, and that person is Jesus. As Christians, we conform our behavior to Jesus because we love him. We love him because He first loved us.

Why don’t people do better at marriage? I have an answer to that question. It is because they want to control things with their self-serving ideas. That is not how Christ relates to us. Christ relates to us based on our needs for Him. He came to provide, serve, deliver, protect, teach – this is how He loves us. He didn’t come to control us. He came to be with us in a family relationship. Over and over again the Bible uses analogies of family and marriage to teach us how God wants to relate to us. Some people think that one day we will all stand before God in obedience to His will – like robots at His command because He is so awful in His power. Read the last 3 chapters of Revelation to see how it will really be like. It is not an assembly like the convening of the United Nations. It is a family on a hillside at a picnic. He did not come to control us! He came to deliver us – to show us His love and show us how to love one another. He came that we might have life and life to the fullest.

Additionally, it seems that most people are looking for a starting point to work on their marriages. Many have had a spark, many have had a boost, but not all have been able to keep it going. Follow the outline of the chart. It teaches you to begin by building a relationship with Christ. Read His word and put it’s principles into practice. There is NO substitute for that. Next, pray faithfully for your spouse. Don’t let discouragement control your thinking. Let God’s word control your thinking.

Both of you need accountability. If you live in isolation, it will breed all kinds of dysfunction into your marriage. When a couple has no Christian friends who they want to be accountable to, dysfunction and selfishness will prevail.

Next, confess your sins to one another. Admit your weaknesses and be honest about areas of neglect.

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ANSWERS FROM PASTOR JASON…

 7. How do I “feel” like I have a say in big or small decision in my marriage or just peace in the final decisions? I feel like the wife has to submit and respect the decisions that the husband makes and doesn’t have a say.
In Ephesians 5, the wife is called to submit and respect her husband:

• submit to your own husband, as to the Lord (5:22)
• respect your husband (5:33)

However, the two become one flesh (5:31), so the wife is not of lesser importance but under the loving care & authority of the husband as a critical part of him. The husband in this chapter has much greater responsibilities:

• love your wife (5:25)
• give yourself up for her (5:25)
• sanctify her (5:26)
• present her holy & without blemish (5:27)
• love your wife as your own body (5:28)
• nourish & cherish her (5:29)
• hold fast to your wife (5:31)

A husband who upholds these duties as the head of the house will create an atmosphere in which the wife wants to submit to his leading in decisions, which are not demands. Decisions within the home are open because both care what the other thinks. The home becomes a temple of worship where both are imitators of Christ (5:1), walking in love (5:2), discerning what is pleasing to the Lord (5:10), and fully know how to submit to one another (5:21).

8. I married a non-Christian. He believes in God and Jesus, but is jaded by the actions of those who call themselves Christians. He also is against organized religion. How can I help him? How can I be a good witness? You can’t give someone faith. I was blessed to be raised in a loving, Christian home and a wonderful church. His parents and siblings are not Christians and reinforce his beliefs that Christians are hypocrites.
“For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife…” (1 Corinthians 7:14a)

“For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband?” (1 Corinthians 7:16a)

The greatest opportunity in your life is to share and live out the gospel for your husband. The best example for him to see a Christian is your life. Work toward conversations about eternity and where he sees himself going. Does he believe in heaven and hell? Is he prepared to meet God and give an accounting of his life? Does he understand that he has offended a holy God? Keep the conversation about him and his need for a Savior. Everything else is usually a distraction away from where he needs to be focusing, especially if it’s about the behavior of other Christians.

9. How can we not fight about finances?
You must talk about your finances whenever it is necessary. It shouldn’t be a secret. There is no his money and her money – you are team. Work on your plan to get out of debt. Debt cripples your ability to thrive.

You are to be good stewards of the money that God has given you, so discuss where that is and is not happening. I believe biblical tithing starts at 10% of your income. Everything you have is a gift from God, so your thankfulness is revealed in your obedience to tithe.

10. How can we establish trust?
You must each start with humility and seek reconciliation with each other. Seek forgiveness for past mistakes then verbally reinforce your dedication to each other and your marriage. Discuss areas in your marriage that are questionable and create doubt, then work to remove them.

11. How can we be respectful during times of anger?
Disrespect and every other issue during an argument usually stems from the evils of the tongue. If you are angry, you need to walk away and keep quiet until you are calmed down. After you have both prayed for wisdom, get back together to talk, not yell. Start the conversation with your dedication and love for each other then you can discuss whatever has happened.

12. How can we be thankful for each other?
Mutual thankfulness starts with the little things you say and do every day. Pray for each other and with each other. Plan special times together alone and without distractions. Vocalize your thankfulness to each other regularly. Become each other’s biggest fan by praising things they do (working, cooking, providing, laundry, mowing, etc), especially in front of your children. Finally, a suggestion from my son, Joey, be nice to each other.

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 ANSWERS FROM PASTOR JEREMY…

13. What advice would you give someone who has an unsaved spouse?
Paul gives us his advice in 1 Corinthians 7:12-14, “To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.”

Since marriage is a covenant relationship, meaning that someone else’s actions do not determine your own actions, I certainly would not seek a divorce (provided this is not an abusive or threatening relationship). What I would say is: love your spouse, just as you would love them if they were a believer. Do everything you can to show them love and grace and forgiveness in the way that Christ has shown you. While this can be extremely difficult to someone who may not understand the source of this love, I believe it is what the Lord calls you to.

14. Other than prayer, how can I help bring my husband to accept Christ as his Lord and Savior?
First Peter 3:1-2 gives us some suggestions:

“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.”

Certainly prayer is critical in this pursuit, but what I believe Peter is saying to us is that, “This is the closest, most intimate relationship you have. If you will show forgiveness and humility and Christ like character, there is little chance they will miss it.” While it is not your responsibility to bring him to the Lord or make decisions for him, it is your responsibility to show the love of Christ to him through your behavior. I believe God gives special grace in these circumstances to the person who is witnessing to an unbelieving spouse. Also, Peter later goes on to say that we must first and foremost submit to Christ, and if there is anything an unbelieving husband would call you to do that is disobedient to Jesus’ commands, you must serve Jesus rather than your husband.

15. All the great couples in the church that we aspire to be like have something in common – they serve the Lord in some fashion together. My husband and I have very different gifts, in different areas. I believe God brought those gifts together to compliment each other, but how do we find our calling to serve Him together?
This may be a particular area where it would be wise to sit down with a couple who has served together faithfully and just ask questions. In 1 Corinthians 12:11, we are told that the Holy Spirit gives spiritual gifts when and as He chooses. This tells me that spiritual giftings can change, and that there may be gifts that you do not even have or realize yet. In this scenario it is best to sit down with someone who has good discernment and allow for things to be drawn out. I would pursue this in addition to regular prayer for clarity and direction in these callings. Finally, in areas that are not as concrete, it is okay to just try out different ministries that you feel may fit the two of you. If they don’t, it is okay to pursue another one. Each part of the body has a role, and sometimes it takes a little while to determine what that is.

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ANSWERS FROM PASTOR KELVIN…

16. Do you have suggestions for a Bible study/devotional my husband and I can do together? What are some things that my husband and I can do to grow closer spiritually, intimately, emotionally? Especially when kids, life & jobs happen around us 24/7/365! Small, simple, things? Why is it hard to open up and be vulnerable with each other?

Devotional Suggestions: The Love Dare by Kendrick, Moments with You by Rainey, Night Light by Dobson

Pray together! They don’t have to be long, eloquent prayers. The Bible says, “pray without ceasing” and “pray in the Spirit on all occasions.” So practice short, conversational and spontaneous prayers in your relationship as you walk through life together. Just stop and take your spouse by the hands or embrace them and pray right then and there for specific challenges, needs or to encourage or build them up. Also pray for each other individually when you have a quiet moment. Another way to enhance your relationship spiritually is to share or converse about how you are growing or what you are learning about God from an inspiring Christian book or author you are reading or a study you are in (i.e. Beth Moore, or a verse or passage that really stood out to you, etc.) Even though you may be doing those things individually, God can bring you together and create a spiritual bond as you share with your spouse how you are being impacted and shaped by them.

By the way, the above-mentioned are two of the biggest contributors to intimacy. However, I believe there are a few more key elements. One: affection. Show and practice it as much or as often as you can. Hold hands, hug, kiss, touch, etc. When you express these things you are also being a great example to your children of what a marriage should look like. Two: make time for each other. One of the most important things we did in our marriage early on was establishing a routine with our children as far as bed times. After they were in bed that was our time to connect. Get a sitter and go on dates! It could be as simple as going for a cup of coffee, a walk, dessert, or it could be out to dinner, a movie, shopping, etc. Three: loving and encouraging communication – cards, texts, phone calls, emails, etc.

One final word on intimacy…be spontaneous, creative and romantic! These things will breathe life into your oneness and lead to you drawing closer as a couple.

When it comes to emotions or being vulnerable you need to be open and honest. You have to start somewhere. It may be hard because you have never really established that deeper level of transparency. It may be as simple as giving it more time and emphasis. It’s like anything in a covenant relationship – it takes time and development. The more you do it, the better it becomes.

17. What if you have prayed for years about your relationship with another person, and they have also prayed for years about the same. You feel like God is calling you to step up your relationship with an engagement or such. You tell them this, and they say they are getting the opposite and this pulls you apart and ruins your relationship. What do you do? How can two people be getting the opposite feelings and guidance from God?
First of all, you have to be very careful when it comes to feelings, however strong they may be. You see, feelings come and go but you have to focus on reality and on what is true – God’s truth (Philippians 4:8). It could be that you had such strong feelings for this person and for the relationship that it was blinding you to what God’s will was for this relationship (James1:5-8). I would also say, based on the other person’s opposite reaction to stepping up the relationship…that would be a strong indicator from God to me that this relationship may not be what He has for me. That could very well be the answer to your prayer.

I would also lovingly and strongly advise you to seek out a third party who is impartial, a good friend to both of you, someone you both respect and who is a solid Christian who could give you insight, counsel and wisdom concerning your relationship.

18. When do you quit holding it in? What if your thoughts would hurt their feelings?
First of all, it is not healthy to hold everything in. You should be expressing and releasing things to the Lord in prayer (1 Peter 5:7).

Second, it won’t hurt if you express and covey your thoughts in a biblical way, “speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15) or with a spiritual filter, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29 and 30-32).

It still might hurt them a little, but if you follow these biblical steps they won’t feel the sting.

19. Any marriage that does not have some disagreement or argument is not healthy, right? Maybe it’s the way husband and wife disagree/argue?
In all my years, I have yet to come across a marriage that does not have some areas of disagreement and argument. I am convinced it’s because of the fall (Genesis 3) and our sin nature.

The Scriptures are very clear when it comes to unity in the church…”make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” (Ephesians 4:3). This verse and the one preceding it show how seriously the Lord is about unity in relationships. That goes for marriage as well. The husband and wife should make every effort to be unified even in the midst of arguments and disputes.

One of the best ways to do this is by first submitting to Christ and His authority in your life, then submitting to one another out of reverence to Him (Ephesians 5:21). Then comes the how-to for the husband and wife – what their roles are to maintain unity and oneness (to wives in 5:22-23 and husbands in 5:25). Ephesians 5:21 is the key, though. If your vertical relationship with the Lord is right, your horizontal relationship with your husband and wife will be right, on center, unified.

Also, applying these biblical principles will help in a big way, “speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15) or with a spiritual filter, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29, 30-32 and Philippians 2:1-5).

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There are certain times in our lives when we are privileged to a small taste of the ideal. In a culture of replicas and cheap imitations, it seems these occurrences are few and far between. I experienced a magnifying glass of unity this past week. At our fall retreat, men of all different ages, incomes, family situations and backgrounds gathered together to share experiences and rally around the singular desire to worship the Creator God. A deep, intrinsic part of who we each are was satisfied by this experience. God created people to connect with each other through their mutual worship and relationship with Him. This is the church. Mark Driscoll says in his book Doctrine,

“The mutual indwelling that God’s people enjoy in corporate worship is essential to our growth personally, joy collectively, and witness culturally. God’s people gather because, in the depths of their regenerated nature, the Holy Spirit gives them deep desires to worship God with His people. We want to see God’s people, we want to hear of God’s work in their lives, we want to know of ways we can lovingly serve them, and we want to be part of something bigger than ourselves that reaches beyond the mundane details of life and connects us all together despite our differences in age, race, gender, and income to seek and celebrate evidences of God’s grace.”

This is what we seek when we gather on Sunday mornings, in weekly Bible studies or together as believers in each others homes. It is why Hebrews 10:25 instructs us, “Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” It is a taste of the ideal. It is uncommon unity. It is our mission and desire as a church, and, when manifested properly, it will be a tremendous source of joy to us and an irresistible beacon of hope to our culture.

Hebrews 11:1-2 “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for.”

Matthew 28 could be called, The Tale of Two Marys. The disciples who first saw that Jesus was alive were woman. Why is this significant? It is significant for a number of reasons. Allow me to share just one.

If you were trying to make up a story (many liberal scholars believe the resurrection was simply a story), you would not want people involved who were not even allowed to testify in court. That’s right! In that day women were not allowed to be witnesses. As a matter of fact, they were rarely permitted to even speak in public. So you see, Jesus was not concerned that the “right witnesses” saw Him. He wanted to appear to those disciples who would faithfully tell others the truth. These women certainly did just that.

In this Tale of Two Marys, I was struck by the description of their reaction once it sunk in that Jesus was very much alive. The Bible says, “the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy…” As we approach Easter Sunday, may it be that we find this same attitude filling our hearts. A certain kind of thrill that only those who know Christ can have. It is comparable to the feeling you have when a baby is born, or your fiancé says, “Yes!” Afraid yet filled with joy. That is HOPE! That is the feeling we all should have once we know the Savior. A thrill and, yet, a full realization of all the implications; I was lost but now am found, was blind but now I see. That reality of how far from God we were, and yet, now, how close and how permanent His love.

HOPE! That is the message of Easter. HOPE! That is the thrill and joy in the heart of those who know Him!

Enjoy Him today!

I have so much enjoyed reviewing the prophecies of Christ dealing with the Passion Week and especially with His crucifixion.  It should strengthen our faith to know that our God is sovereign in this universe. God has planned and orchestrated our redemption from the very beginning. He gives proof of this all throughout the scriptures.

Take a quick look at Psalm 22, written by King David.  One source lists over twenty prophecies fulfilled by Christ in this chapter alone, seven of those all deal with the crucifixion.  Here are a few:

22:1             My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

22:14           I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint

22:16           they have pierced my hands and feet

22:18           they divide my garments among them, and for my clothing they cast lots

To put this into perspective, David wrote these verses one thousand years before Christ and about five hundred years before crucifixion was even invented.  God inspired David to write things about which he had no understanding. Jewish law called for stoning as the means of punishment by death, but the Roman Empire utilized and perfected crucifixion by killing over 30,000 people around the time of Christ.  So, for the Messiah to come and die in this way during the period of time when Rome occupied the nation of Israel and took away their right to put criminals to death, only solidifies our certainty in God’s omniscience.

So, let me finish with a quick look at how God used His Son to be the ultimate and final sin offering to fulfill even the minutest detail of the law and prophecy.  In the Old Testament, God established the sin offering in the law and exactly how it was to be administered by the priests.

Exodus 29:14 “But the flesh of the bull and its skin and its dung you shall burn with fire outside the camp;it is a sin offering.”

Leviticus 16:27 “And the bull for the sin offering and the goat for the sin offering, whose blood was brought in to make atonement in the Holy Place, shall be carried outside the camp”

Specifically, the sin offering had to be carried outside the camp.  In like manner, under Roman law, crucifixions had to be done outside of the city because it was reserved for only the worst of criminals and foreigners.  Crucifixion was never used on Roman citizens because it was far too inhumane and cruel of a punishment.

Hebrews 13:11-12 “For the bodies of those animals whose blood is brought into the holy places by the high priest as a sacrifice for sin are burned outside the camp. So Jesus also suffered outside the gate in order to sanctify the people through his own blood.”

Jesus defeated sin, death, and hell because His blood was spilled at the cross.  He separated God’s people for holiness by being the only, true and acceptable sacrifice for their sin.  God’s wrath is now satisfied, and Jesus did this while fulfilling every detail of the law.  Our Savior is perfect and complete.  Let us come to communion tonight prepared as priests of God to partake in this act of suffering and victory.